|Posted on March 17, 2019 at 9:30 PM||comments (1)|
Ever wonder which version of your child will get in your car at pick-up?
Say the same thing you've always said and your child turns into a screaming banchee out of a horror film?
Actually FEEL tension in your body when you know it's time to see you child, or better yet, help them with homework?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are not alone. Your darling child is still in there, they're just having a meltdown. They've flipped their lid. They're having an out of body experience. And they are impossible to deal with. Here are some things that might happen in your house when said lid has flipped:
- You may hear "No one umderstands me!" or "I hate my life!" or "Leave me alone!" or "I hate you/my friends/school/this house/ fill in the blank!"
- You may hear doors slammed, loud music, or wailing and gnashing of teeth
- There may be uncontrollable crying, screaming, lamenting, or nonsensical talk flying from your beloved's mouth with a forked tongue
- They might start a fight with a sibling
- They might get physically violent and smash things, put holes in walls, throw objects, or damage property
- You may find yourself wondering if their head will spin and vomit will spew from their mouth
- "Hurry up! You always make us late!"
- "Seriously? How many times do I have to tell you to get your...?"
- "GET. OUT. OF. BED."
- "Is your brain attached to your body?"
- "Why didn't you bring your book? I told you to do that yesterday."
- "Pay attention. Are you listening?"
- "You are so annoying, stop talking!"
- "Dude, bring your own lunch money, I'm tired of covering for you."
- Identify their emotion and tell them. "It looks like you had a really hard day." "You are really mad!" "It sounds like today was rough!"
- Give them space to cool down and offer them time alone to decompress
- Provide affirmation you still love them. "I know you're upset. Let's talk when you're feeling better." "It's going to be okay."
- Raise your voice
- Try to use REASON OR LOGIC. They are not using the part of their brain that does this, and nothing you say or do can make them right now.
- Use shame or judgement
- Punish or threaten to take things away
- Get too close/hit/slap
- Remind them what feeling you saw and ask what happened today
- Listen to what they say. Don't offer advice or tell them what to do. Don't interrupt.
- Ask them how you can help
- Talk about ways to manage their feelings next time to avoid the outburst again